I have a journal! O_o!

Owie.

2008-06-04T14:09:17Z

Okay. People said the first time hurts.

THEY DIDN'T SAY HOW MUCH! HOLY CRAP!

I cried.

But I was happy.

mean butt people in the library

2008-04-16T16:45:00Z

I finally got a difficult patron at the library! Made me want to cry. Here is what happened.
A guy wanted to check out books but I scanned his card and he had an overdue audiobook. I told him we don't check out if something is overdue but he started saying he returned it so I sent someone out to find it but it wasn't there. I told him I could renew it so he could look for it but he said no, I returned it. I told him he could talk to manager but he said it won't help any; he returned it. He basically called us incompetent and yelled at me. I apologized and he said "I don't care if you're sorry! It doesn't help does it?!" ((wanted to cry then)) I told him I could hold his items while it was looked into but he said forget it and walked out.

Two days later, guess what was in the book drop? The audiobook. With a sixty cent fine. The bastard.

Then he came the day after that when I wasn't there and casually asked if all his items where returned.

Things are looking better

2008-04-15T05:22:47Z

I'm not as depressed anymore. That was a big thing with me and sean. Well, I get depressed and he has low self esteem but we are slowly working through it! ^W^ I'm happy. And we may get married sooner than we thought. He said it's possible we'll get married before we're all done with graduate school and have our careers in place. And we definately are going to be married by the time we are 30!

Although that conniving SOB thought of a really good plan. Even though he knows what I feel and wishes, he wants to wait until marriage. Sooooo.... Whenever I asked, he would say, "When I'm ready." How was I supposed to know he'll be ready when we're married?! XD
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Yessi is still a virgin and will stay that way until her wedding night. I've accepted it and I'm actually happy with it.

Oh! And Kuro-kun is trying really hard to come to anime expo! I can't wait to meet my jail bait in person! X3

XP

2008-04-07T20:37:03Z

Yesterday was shit. I've never cried so much. But Sean and I had a long overdue talk and we are better now. He understands that I can't really be friends with Jenny anymore.

And little more than a month til miyavi.

ATTENTION!

2008-04-06T00:46:39Z

Cap'n crunch's first name is Horatio.

THAT IS ALL.

mami loves me

2008-03-14T15:55:11Z

My mom was told about my cousin. My whole family knows she moved in with a guy she barely knows and met on myspace. She is now banned from my house, my grandma is basically ashamed of her (I know because when she praises me, she compares me to my cousin to show how perfect I am...) Everyone has agreed to not support her if she asks for help. I told her this would happen. Oh well. I haven't spoken to her since my birthday and that was a forced conversation.

ANYWAY! My friends, Jenny and katie, and I are throwing a surprise party for Sean at the suites at cal poly on thursday. Let me know if you wanna go. I know it's finals week. I'm sorry.

Cosplays are coming along very.... very.... slowly.... It sucks.

And comic con raised their price by $20! WTF?!

Hehehehe.... i love watching the hamster jump.

been a while

2008-03-12T15:41:57Z

And not much has happened.
First off, Sean and I had a really big fight. He has issues letting things go and it bugged me that he had to play the victim. he said every girl is out to get him and a whole bunch of other stuff. I've been trying to help him for the past 4 years and nothing gets through so I finally snapped and we argued. But we made up. Thankfully none of our arguements last longer than a day. And now we might do two cosplays together. Our loveless based one and a One Piece one. I'm Nami and he's thinking about being Zoro.

Anime expo is all I'm thinking about. That's bad. There's still 112 days left! But it's gonna be so much fun! I'm really into planning this thing. I may go out to LA to check out the hotel and see how far it is from the convention center. Mainly because I have no life. XD

birthday!

2008-02-11T02:53:08Z

Best birthday ever!!!!!

Seeing Gabriel was the best thing ever!!!!! OMG! He was so funny!And the ice cream was good too! XD And kareoke! I just wish I wasn't so tired. Then we could have stayed longer. But the best part was finally getting to sleep with sean! We were close to each other all night! XD Sean and Katie didn't really wake up til about 10! XD

Thank you for an awesome birthday!

done

2008-02-07T05:42:24Z

Okay. Not too long ago, I sent my cousin this message. "Hey brit. Did you really drop out of school? And are you really engaged to this guy? I'm worried about you and what you are doing to your family."

{{ yessica. you just made me very pissed off. what gives you right to say "what your doing to this family?" that is the most fucked up thing for you to say. how dare you. yes, i dropped out of school, but i would have had to done that anyways!

here's the rundown:

-my choices are my choices
-if you truely are the great cousin that i thought you were, you would be supporting me in what i do rather than try to bring me down
-who are you to judge me like that?? fuck yessica, that's ballsy. you achieved pissing off a family member that loves you.

great job yessica.

here's the funny thing - instead of being happy for me that i've found someone that loves and respects me the way i deserve to be treated - you get jealous and try to ruin the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thats pretty fucked up! I mean just because you arent happy in your relationship doesnt mean you put your nose in other peoples business - let alone your own cousin!

Family is supposed to be there for each other - not judge one another's decisions.

Let me know when you move on from your own issues and are ready to face reality! I'll be here waiting.

Britney}}

That is the response I recieved. Words cannot express how pissed off I am. Honestly. I don't even want to respond.

disappointed

2008-02-01T22:24:41Z

Just when I thought I coud trust my cousin....
She's moving in with her boyfriend. Normaly that would just kinda bother me because I believe in marriage first. (my morals are kinda twisted and don't match but they are mine.) But this pisses me off! She hasn't even known him for a month! And she's moving in with him! She dropped out of school for him! And stopped working! She is engaged to him! And they haven't even had their one month anniversary!

but the thing that infuriates me the most is that she's told no one in our family. Everyone except for me and my brothers (because i told them) think that she is moving back in with her mom.... Her secrecy is what disappoints me....

I'm worried that she's desperate for love too.... last time she said she was in love, the guy dumped her after 3 months.... She said she learned from that.... but she is saying the exact same things about this bf that she said about her last one. It won't last.... I wanna say something.... but she won't listen to anyone....

*sigh*

On lighter news, I have my birthday guestlist! Sean, Katie, Steph, and Alma! YAY!!!!!

better.

2008-01-21T03:02:27Z

Sean and I are much better now. Saturday I went with him to go out with Jenny and Katie and Rosalie came too. I was kinda uncomfortable around Jenny though. It didn't help that she was an hour late. But Cue and food pulled me out of it and with out her knowing my discomfort. It's funny. She's the only friend I've ever had that I've been annoyed with. It makes me sad. I don't want my mom to be right. I know that the friends I have now are the friends I'll have for life. I mean I know who my bridesmaids will be. Steph, Alex, Alma, Lan, Rosalie, and Izzy. You guys are the best friend ever! ^w^

And yes! Sean and I have taken our relationship a half step forward! We are (half) engaged! XD We're still bf/gf but we are gonna get married later. This made me happy.

School starts wednesday. Sucks monkey bottom.

itoshii_yume @ 2008-01-18T11:11:00

2008-01-18T19:32:59Z

Been a while since I posted.... So much stuff! XD
First thing, my friendships with people are getting better. With my friend Alex-sama from work especially. I was having fight with sean when I went to see him and he saw me upset, almost crying. I don't like letting people see me cry. It's uncomfortable. But he was there and we talked a lot. Mostly about our relationships and how far we've gone. XD It was an interesting talk and it ended with me and him making plans to go to a sex shop. XD

Kuro-kun is like my best friend from Gaia. He's like my little brother that I like to flirt with. ((ew incest! XD)) But he's very mature for his age and his gf is so cute! And now, after a year of talking via pms, he called me! And I heard his voice! And yesterday, he sent me a pic. He is so not 16. But he is a really good friend. He makes sense of me when I have no idea what I am saying. I love my underage best friend. XD

now for bad stuff.... I messed up big time... Sean and I fought and I can't remember why... I think it had something to do with my friend eric. Sean even brought in Jenny into the fight. Now I am dreading seeing her... Sean and I have had a lot of disagreements lately.... I'm kinda worried.... Maybe we're spending too much time together? @.@?

I miss my friends.... I feel alone most of the time... even more so at school....

emo

2007-12-19T19:31:22Z

I was soooooo excited for this weekend. Sean and his parents were gonna come up and take me out to dinner and a show at the crystal cathedral. I even bought a new dress that's "bf parents friendly." But this morning he called me and said they couldn't get tickets and if I wanted to go to disneyland that day instead but I had work till 1 and they had to leave around 5 so yea..... I was so excited to....

Speed Racer!!!!

2007-12-14T15:13:12Z

OMG! I saw the trailer for the Speed Racer movie! Looks totally stupid! But I wanna see it! OMg! Cute Asian! Who I found out was Bi (Rain)! Just wanted to say it

And Christina Ricci as Trixie.

AND A MONKEY!!!!

almost done....

2007-12-09T23:06:28Z

I found an awesome present for lan. I saw it and immediately thought of her so I bought it. I like it. ^w^ *is proud* I got steph's and rosalie's present too. I'm having some trouble finding something for Alex.... So hard!

And I got my nails done! French tip with a candy cane on the ring fingers! XD

Speaking of ring fingers, what's a promise ring? @.@?

I love my boyfriend

2007-12-03T16:03:58Z

He's a pain in the butt but I asked him what he would do if I cheated on him and he said nothing. He wouldn't even be too mad. It's kinda wierd but amazing. Yea.... We exchanged presents already. I got him resident evil on DVD and an X-japan CD. He got me a new purse and bath stuff and the Gothic & Lolita Bible! OMG! I love him! Kinda sucks I was on my period though.... Every freaking time! DX
But we did watch a movie together. Yo yo girl cop. It was pretty good from what I remember. I fell asleep. It was so warm with him in bed. We fell asleep holding each other. I wanted to stay all night but my mom called.... We plan to sleep together soon. Just sleep. I was so warm.... I can't get that warm.... No blankets or jackets can get me like that again.... *sigh*

Okay! I need to go shopping for more presents soon too! Lan, rosie, steph and alex.... that's it. I've got alma's. ^w^

strange friends...

2007-11-18T20:54:15Z

I am kinda mad at sean's friends Jenny and Katie. They take advantage of his friendship. They tag along with his stuff but when when they do something, they either don't tell him, or tell him last minute. They're always hitting him, mocking him, abusing him. I want to say something but apparently he's used to it. It makes me so mad. *sigh* I wish he had more self esteem. I guess I didn't really establish credibility on anything after the ordeal with eric... Suprised he still trusts me... But eric means a lot to me even though we'll never meet in person... Life sucks big time.

On a happier note, I danced with a power ranger. It was fun. Gabriel had an awesome party.

itoshii_yume @ 2007-11-02T07:43:00

2007-11-02T14:46:56Z

WAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
My body hates me.

And AJ gave me chills. His acting is so good. I was convinced he believed that gays deserve to be in hell. He doesn't really. He was playing a reverend from the Laramie Project. He was amazing. So was the Fall of the House of Usher one...

itoshii_yume @ 2007-10-31T08:24:00

2007-10-31T15:25:04Z

I hate living with my mother. I have bags under my eyes because she kept me up late to scold me about how I am ungrateful...

I'm tired...

4 years

2007-10-21T22:59:23Z

BEST. ANNIVERSARY. EVER!

After work, I went to In 'n out and bought us lunch! I had fun watching him dissect his burger. >w< Then we went to the pumpkin festival! OMG! So much fun! We got there and found Jenny with her boyfriend but we went straight for the pumpkin patch. Sean is a pumpkin pro! We got 3 medium pumpkins and he found a baby one for me! His name is Pete. He is our baby. Our cute little lopsided baby. We watched the ponies and went to Jenny's suite to hang out. From there we went to shop for Halloween stuff and video games. Sean loves some gross stuff! XD We went bowling with my coworkers and it was so much fun! But why did the drunk people do so well? XD After that we went to my uncle's Halloween party and watched people get drunk. My mom even got him to dance! It was a lot of fun! He even spent the night at my house (he slept on the couch). It made me happy to wake up and see him there. We had a very G-rated anniversary, but I wouldn't have changed any of it.

Here's to four more years. <3

So yea.

2007-10-17T18:06:22Z

Planning a pumpkin carving party with my lover make me happy. ^w^
We went shopping for decorations and candy and I felt like we were living together, you know?

I can't wait to marry him. I know he's my soulmate, and he agrees with me. I look forward to a life of laying next to him and waking up each morning, seeing his loving face.

And I can't wait for my pumpkin party. XD But that's closer than my wedding so yea! Pumpkins!

Why?

2007-10-11T15:11:02Z

Is it wrong of me to hope my cousin is pregnant? She's having sex because she wants to, not because she loves the guy. Or maybe she thinks she does. But I don't know if one week is long enough to really know. Maybe I'm jealous? Sean has made it clear that we are going to wait, even though he knows I am ready. *sigh* Why am I thinking about this? Sean's mad at me. And so close to our anniversary... I had a dream last night that I was in his dorm, sitting on his roommate's bed (that's how I knew something was wrong. I always lay down on his.). I was talking about doing something that weekend (our anniversary, but I didn't say it was.). He said he was going home for the weekend. I sounded disappointed but told him okay, maybe some other time. Our anniversary came and went with nothing. I sent him a text on the day, reminding him "Happy Anniversary" but he didn't respond... for a week... All he said was "Sorry"...

I'm afraid he doesn't love me anymore, or he doesn't care... WHY DO I HAVE ALL THESE PROBLEMS?!

sigh

2007-10-09T21:52:51Z

My eyes and head hurt. I wanted to talk to him, just talk, but he hot mad and that got me mad and then I found out stuff he hand been hiding from me... It was an arguement over yahoo messanger but he tried to call me. I was so mad I didn't want to hear his voice. He called like, 10 times, even my home phone. I finally answered. I had never cried so hard in my life....

sad.....

2007-10-09T07:37:15Z

Yea... My grandma went to the hospital this morning... She had rectal bleeding. If it was anyone else, I'd find that funny. But she's old... And there are so many things wrong with her already... I'm scared for her. Even though she's old fashioned and a tiny bit racist, I love her more than anyone in my family. I don't want to lose her. She means so much to me... She's the only one who attempts to understand me. She doesn't blame me for what happens to me. She lets me grow. I want her to be with me forever, even though I know that is not possible...

Gyah... Crying... It feels good to let it out. I wanted to tell Sean right away but I promised not to bug him this week. He told me he needed to concentrate on his schoolwork and won't have time to talk to me, so I said, "Okay! I won't bug you at all." I checked his post history on Gaia when I got home from work (I don't know why. I just did. Last time I did was when our friend Olivia mentioned him visiting a boob thread...) and what I saw almost made me cry. He posted in a thread called "For the Love of Boobs." Women post pictures of their breasts, waiting to be praised by horny guys. Sean was one of them. He has time for those attention-starved girls but not for me.... Is it wrong for me to have a tiny sense of betrayal? *sigh* It's Tuesday already... 5 more days until I can talk to him...

Guilty guilty...

2007-10-05T15:18:58Z

Okay! So... I found out Sean like to look at other girls boobs. I know it's normal, I don't mind that (at least I say I don't). But it was a thread on Gaia. It's not some girl with a big rack walking by. He actually looked for it! At least that's what I thought. He told me that he was invited by a friend and hung out talking to his friends... I feel bad now. He said he won't go there again since it makes me uncomfortable, but now I'm sad. I don't want to control his life. I'm just his girlfriend. Of course, that comment upset him, saying I'm more than his hisfriend, I'm his soulmate. That made me cry. Not sad cry, happy cry. But I still felt guilty. Oh well. Hopefully things work out. I don't want him to regret spending his whole youth tied to me. If we do get married, we'd have been together since we were 15! At 40, that'd be a long ass time. =__= Life is confusing.

One the plus side, my court date is now Nov 8th at 1:30. I get to miss class and the last half hour of work to go! Why am I happy? Because the cop who gave me the ticket is on family leave so he won't show up! ^o^ I love my mother. She has connections. XD